Tips for Raising Cats

I think these rules could apply to raising any animal, but...

well I have a cat. So other animals have no bearing on my current state of existence.

1. Cat door. No litter boxes. That's right. Free range cats.
2. Full bowl of food. No regular feedings, just put food in the bowl when you notice it getting low.
3. Affection? Seek it not. The cat will choose the time and place. Ignore it.
4. Have vocal chords surgically removed. No more chirping at 2:00 am.
5. If you go with an indoor cat, de-claw. Save your furniture.
6. Be the boss. Your cat will be in charge if you let it. Take no shit.
7. Kill your cat 8 times. That way, it'll know it can't afford to piss you off one more time.
8. never play with your cat. You ae teaching it to KILL. Do you really want dead mice and birds left under your bed?
9. Best cat toy? Cardboard box. Hours of fun.
10. Contrary to popular belief, kids and cats don't mix. They hurt each other.

I know some people will say that it is necessary to keep my cat under control - not let the cat out to roam around pooing in other people's gardens, running through traffic...

To them I say:

If the spirit moves you, put traps or poison in your garden. Never swerve when you see a cat on the road. Swerving causes traffic accidents and puts many lives in danger. If a cat is dumb enough to eat poison, stick its head in a trap or get hit by a car, it wasn't smart enough to be my cat.

Natural selection at work.